You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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