i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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