Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
