This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
