bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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