I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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