Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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