How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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