hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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