Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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