If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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