Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
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