well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
