Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Green mimosas i think yes
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
