In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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