I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
