Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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