ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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