the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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