Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
