Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
