I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
