Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
