I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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