Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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