It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
