why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
