Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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