I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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