drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
