Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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