i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
