Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
