i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
