my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
