Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
