Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
