I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
