i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
