i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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