Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
