i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
