The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
