Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize