In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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