you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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