he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
smell my finger.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
