Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
