So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Randomize
