Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
