A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
