If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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