Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
